This Is Real

Something happened today and I thought I must have a conversation with S.

Me: After all we've been through, the ups and down, you dumped me! A year ago. And now, you said you want me back?? Huh!

S: I know we've been through a lot. I know how hard was it for us to get where we were. But.. I just lost.. I can feel the spark between us anymore..

Me: What?! You can't feel the spark? That's how easy you say it? That is the most lame reason I've ever heard of! And you knew how much I hate reasons. *Starts sobbing*

Me: S.. You know, how hard was it for me to get you? I tried to understand you every sin-gle night! I read you, we make out and you knew, you knew how much we were on each other! That moment you left me, I was speechless. How it was so easy for you. And now you want me back? Seriously, meeting you here wasn't a good idea in the first place.

S: If it wasn't a good idea, then why did you agree to come here all the way from your home?

Me: Because I still love you! *leaving S*

Yes. That's the story of me and S. How sad it is. We ended out relationship in 2010, and now it seems that he wants me back.

I remember those times. When I would watch House and be so all oh-I'm-so-inspired-to-do-this! and read things that'll help to strengthen our bond. In fact, I love human bodies. They're amazing! I put my effort in it. Don't you dare say I didn't cuz I know I did.

I don't know which path to take. Seriously, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know should I go back? I've forgotten most about it. It would be hard for me to start all over again. I know where I stand. I know my capability. At first I was reluctant by the opportunity. My mom thought the same. But my aunt sort of agree if I took the opportunity but insisted that I do solat istikharah asking for His guide. Yes, maybe I should. Because somehow, my heart is slowly starting to be pulled by the opportunity. I'm afraid that all I'm attracted to is the surface of it. Forgetting to look at the hardship of going through that path. Yes, I've seen how my friends struggled so hard to ensure their position, to be the best among the best. It's hard. You have to sacrifice most things.

E, you know how much I love you to reject S. If you know how deeply my love is for you, we should have been more than what we are today. Yes, S may still be a part of me. A lil bit of my heart still loves him. But I love you more. And I know it's something mutual. What do you say, E?

I think I have to decline this offer. Unless, if it's gonna make me closer to E, then I probably won't hesitate and would be more than glad and honoured to accept it.


Or this...

If you were in my place, which would you choose? 
Any words that could help me?? Please?


  1. Nyna, are you saying that you have the opportunity to study medicine? Im curious

  2. So im guessing E is English and S is Science?
    Dear, think about it deeply. Can you see urself with E or S in 10 years time?
    Love itself is not enough. You need passion too.
    Make ur decision wisely. Whatever it is, I'll support u all da way..

  3. ahhhh,cant say much of the S guy
    reminds me of myself once
    to be honest,i did broke up with my gal once...
    bcoz i was 'started to lose interest'
    a few months later,
    were back like usual...*i think*
    i just dont know why,
    maybe because i 'needed' someone after all
    its just that for a guy,the 'need' is only 'needed' at the right time
    i dont know about you girls,
    you outta 'need' it all the time right?

  4. Can you see yourself with S for the next 5 years?
    can you be who you are now if you are with S?
    can you handle the pressure if you have a relationship with S?
    are you who you were before when you were with S as what you are now with E?

    nyna, think wisely, as what malina said, I'll support whatever your decision is.

  5. need to talk? :) at the crossroads between what? english and medic? lol, don't speak in riddles with me, i suck :P

  6. Hazirah: Yes. And it's a big offer. Overseas. I think I'm rejecting it.

    Malina: That's why.. I'm comfortable learning English rather Science now.. Thanks dear. :)

    Syaimz: Haha err.. probably not all girls are like that I suppose. Some yes, some don't.

    Zhafa: No. No. Dts. Hmm..not really. Thanks Zhafa. :)

    Lisa: Haha Thanks Lisa. But I think I'll have to decline the offer.


What's on your mind is there for a reason. :)