I Pour My Deep Wish

I feel like I don't have a stand. I feel like I'm just like the lalang. Sometimes here.. sometimes there. I don't have a stand. I feel like I don't have a personality. I feel like I don't have anything to outshine me. I feel like I'm just an ordinary object blend into the background. Never noticed. Nothing cared. 

And for these reasons, for these insecurities, I wish I can go to somewhere place. Alone. Just me and myself. Stay there for a while. Not contacting any of the family member or even friends. Just stay away from people. And live the life for the time being. I wish I can go outside into the world. In search for myself. I need to find my true colour. Yes, I do know what kind of person I am. What I like, what I love, what I hate. I knew it. I think that the fact that I was taught to shut up and listen, is what makes me fragile. I can't shout. I can't scream. I'm not ready to break these walls yet. What am I suppose to dooooo??? I can give people good advice. I can tell people what's good or right for them. Make them see from both side of the issue. But when it comes to me, ME! MEEEE I'm talking about here you people! I'm blur! I guess it's the same situation as when you tell people what to do in their love life, but when it comes to YOU yourself, you just don't know what to do! You feel helpless. You try to reach out. But you never got to reach out. Either you can't or nobody will grab your hand. And I'm afraid of rejection. As much as I try to reach, *sigh* how long do I need to carry this burden in my heart?? How long??? For God's sake Nyna!

Sometimes, the moment when you think, you can trust them, and start pouring down all the stories inside your heart to them, you thought they'd never talk to others about it, you thought they'd never judge you. Well, guess what. Face the reality. Deep down inside, they still judge you. Don't you think you too?? 

Lets break free. But I don't how.

1 comment

What's on your mind is there for a reason. :)