It's Getting Deeper

I really feel like crying. True, true enough that God has challenged me to face new issues lately, self-management... friendship and on top of it, PATIENCE. Yes, yes I’m a patient person. But I do have my limits. And that is the point I prefer not to talk about here.

To tell you the truth, my heart hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. And it hurts. And it hurts. And it hurts. It hurts so much that I have to punch my chest just to lessen the hurt. First of all, yes, I admit, it is my fault to ask you such a question. But it was because I love you and what with the news I heard just makes me, urgh God!! This is freaking so hurting me! I just don’t want you to be like ‘em! Though I know somehow, somewhere you aren’t like ‘em. And blame me for my stupid mouth! Yes, me and my stupid, careless, insensitive mouth! The pain is getting stronger... it’s getting deeper.

They say I’m faking it. How can I not faking it when my smile and my happiness stole by my own insensitive mouth and my (I don’t know what adjectives should I put) heart! Like I said before, I am evil. Evil. Evil. Evil. I truly am. I know I am. Gosh.. What’s the most confusing is, the issue was between ME and YOU! Why must that particular person suddenly turns cold? Give me at least 1 SPECIFIC, RELEVANT reason including some elaboration please! And what with the coldness to one of my dearest friends??? She doesn’t deserve to be treated like that! She wasn’t involved in this whole thing! It was ONLY ME! Seriously, if you wanna SCREAM, YELL, GET MAD, SLAP ME; just do it. I’ll take it all. Mind the tears. Cuz no matter how tough I look like, I’m fragile. I mean it. Kau nak marah aku depan-depan, kau nak jerit kat aku, kau nak cekik aku ke, silakan. Aku terima dengan sepenuh hati aku. I just don’t want this bad, uneasy feelings to haunt me. I can’t live in peace. Well, is that the best torture you intended on me? Well, thank you very much.
I’m shivering. I’m alone. Isolated. Clueless. Weaker. I really really feel like I couldn’t type anymore. But biar la. Biar orang tau betapa sakitnya hati ni. Tak logic kan? Scientifically, boleh ke rasa ‘sakit’ kat jantung?? Macam ngilu. Hish! Mengarut!!

Perhaps there’s no more space for returning back?? I know this post, ‘others’ might read it. Oh well. IDC. At least this post answers some of your bubbling questions in your thoughts.

Whatever your conclusion is, please ask me personally so that I can verify it and to make sure that it’s VALID!

To this someone: Thanks for giving me your trust. It’s an honour for me. It really is. I’ll try my best not to break it. Love you dear! ;D


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What's on your mind is there for a reason. :)